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So glad to have you with us on this day after Thanksgiving (aka Black Friday). Here’s something special from the Dream Team to our Small Town Family: Detectives Dan and Dave, Investigator Paul, and Citizen Yeardley talk about traffic stops, driving while hearing impaired, and their dream jobs. Enjoy! 

Read Transcript

[Small Town Dicks intro]

Yeardley: [00:00:08] Hey, Small Town Fam. Happy Friday after Thanksgiving. How are you guys? Where are you? Are you trying to find parking at the mall? Are you relaxing at home, maybe in a food coma? Hopefully, maybe even you’re just taking some you time. Wherever you are today, we are so happy that you’re here with us right now, because we have a special holiday treat for you today. It’s a fun, funny conversation with the Dream Team. It’s a perfect example of the kind of delicious nugget we produce every week over on our Patreon feed, which you could find at The subscription is just $5 a month. Of course, we would love to see you there and have you join our Small Town Super Fam, but either way, please enjoy today’s holiday snack on us. And we will be back next week with another regularly scheduled episode of Small Town Dicks Season 11.

[intro ends]

[00:01:13] Hey, Small Town Super Fam, how’s it going? Guess what? It’s your lucky day, because I’m sitting here with Detective Dan.

Dan: [00:01:21] Hello.

Yeardley: [00:01:22] Hello. And Detective Dave.

Dave: [00:01:24] Hello.

Yeardley: [00:01:25] Hello. [chuckles] That is very sultry. And I told you this is your lucky day, because also sitting with us is the one and only, Paul Holes.

Paul: [00:01:34] Hello.


Dave: [00:01:37] We’re all competing hellos.

Yeardley: [00:01:39] Never to be out done.

Dave: [00:01:40] Can I get more breathy?

Paul: [00:01:41] [breathes heavily]

Yeardley: [00:01:42] This trio, never underestimate their competitiveness.

Paul: [00:01:46] [laughs]

Yeardley: [00:01:47] So, we’re here to answer some of your questions and we’re going to call you out by name. Don’t drive off the road or anything. It’s going to be great. Dave?

Dave: [00:01:56] Theresa Montgomery, step forward.

Yeardley: [00:01:59] Please step into the aisle. [giggles]

Dave: [00:02:00] This question is from Theresa Montgomery. And she says, “Hi, everyone. Why do police cars parked at an angle when performing a traffic stop? And where should we put our hands as the officer approaches the car?” Great question. On traffic stops, it’s all about safety. Anticipating future problems, when I’m setting up a traffic stop, I determine when I put on the lights because I’m trying to plan where I believe that driver’s going to react to my lights and pull over in a safe place that’s got plenty of room, it’s well lit, hopefully. I tried not to pull people over in places where there weren’t streetlights knowing that people might have some anxiety about that. Not all cops are like that. There’s other times where I just have to pull you over in a certain spot.

[00:02:50] We angle our cars, because we are worried, especially on highway systems. You’ll see a car pulled over and you see maybe the state trooper pulled up behind him, but the state trooper has angled their car to where if they hit the gas, they’d pull out into the next lane of travel. So, they’re a little bit angled. There’s two reasons why I would do that. One is when I pull up behind the car that I just pulled over, I turn the wheel to the left or to the right depending on which side of the road I’m on, because emergency lights are like flames for a moth. They are magnets. You see dashcam frequently of police cars being rear ended. So, that’s why we would turn the wheels. If the patrol car is struck from behind, it doesn’t go forward into the citizen’s car. It goes off to the side in a different direction. You also cant the car to give yourself a little bit of cover, at least you have a portion of the car that’s blocking your approach as a police officer as you walk up to the citizens’ car. So, you have a little bit of cover. That’s really why we do that. There’s other reasons too, but the basics are all about safety.

Yeardley: [00:04:05] Did you say cant?

Dave: [00:04:06] Cant.

Yeardley: [00:04:07] I’ve never heard that use that way.

Dave: [00:04:09] Canted like at an angle.

Yeardley: [00:04:10] That’s a fancy $10 word.

Dave: [00:04:13] Yeah, so I’ve been pulled over. Since I became a police officer, I always put my hands on the top of the steering wheel, 10 and 2. Also, if it’s nighttime, I would turn on my dome light. It lets the officer know that, you the citizen are conscious of what anxiety the police officer might be feeling as you approach the car. If you have tinted windows in the back seat, roll down the window so the police officer can look and see that there’s nobody on the other side of that window, if they’re so dark that you can’t see inside. So, all these little things show that you are conscientious that you are understanding that the police officer might have some safety concerns when they walk up to your car. It’s probably going to buy you a little bit of currency with the police officer because like, “Huh, I didn’t have to worry. It was clear that that person was aware that I would probably want their hands up on the top of the steering wheel.”

[00:05:07] The worst thing ever is walking up to a car and you see the person disappear, because they’re diving over the center console trying to get into the glovebox.

Yeardley: [00:05:15] Right. Or, their purse on the floor or–?

Dave: [00:05:18] Right. If I see you disappear, I’m like, “Oh, shit, they’re going for a weapon” or “They’re going for the drugs to toss them out the window.” I want everything to be cool, calm, and predictable, as much as they can be on a traffic stop. So, everything is designed for safety, safety, safety.

Yeardley: [00:05:35] Good question, Theresa.

Dave: [00:05:37] Oh, and then the question below that we can kind of tie into this. Morgan had a question about, “How should hearing impaired people engage with officers?” Great question. In our agency, we have a computer system that if I run your plate or run your name, your information is going to pop up on my screen. If I give that information to a dispatcher, that information is going to pop up on their screen. Citizens can contact their local police department and police departments can enter information onto your specific page that we say it’s flagged as info. We can include things like this person is schizophrenic, this person is diabetic, this person has autism, there’s all kinds of messages that help law enforcement.

[00:06:29] When we come across person, we have no idea what the circumstances are and all of a sudden, this person’s non-communicative. If I’m eventually able to get to the point where I get this citizen’s name, I run it, they come back and they say, “This person is hearing impaired.” “This person has autism.” It’s just more information and it arms everybody with information that can keep everybody safe.

Dan: [00:06:53] Morgan, also, in her question, she says, “We’ve been told to wear signs or put stickers on the car stating you are deaf, but I feel it would make us a target.” If you mean a target from criminals, I can understand that. You’re definitely not going to be a target from law enforcement. We’re not more apt to pull you over if that’s a concern of yours. I’m not sure. I’m assuming it’s being a target of criminals. But if you just motion to your ears, and point and mouth[?], “I’m deaf,” we get it. I’ve had multiple interactions with hearing impaired people where that was actually the way that I discovered that they were hearing impaired. It’s as simple as that. You don’t need to wear a sign.

Yeardley: [00:07:50] Okay, here’s a question from Natalie Whincop from Brisbane, Australia. Woo, we love all our Australian fans.

Dave: [00:07:57] [in Australian accent] G’day.

Yeardley: [00:07:57] [laughs] Sorry, Natalie. [Paul laughs] Sorry. So, Natalie wants to know for Dan, Dave, and Paul, “What are your career paths apart from podcast now that you all are retired from law enforcement? What would be your dream careers?”

Dave: [00:08:16] Who wants to go first?

Yeardley: [00:08:17] Paul does. [laughs]

Paul: [00:08:19] I guess, I was just volunteered. Oh, wow. Well, my current career path, I’m very much on the media side doing the podcasts. I’ve also got multiple TV projects. I’m currently filming with HLN for a series, an existing series that I am now the host of called Real Life Nightmare.

Yeardley: [00:08:43] When do we get to see that?

Paul: [00:08:44] Mid-November is when the first episodes that I worked on come out. What I like about that is that they’re starting to change that series, which is unsolved cases. But they’re starting to utilize my experience expertise. So, as I go through working these various episodes, it’s morphing a little bit to where now I’m going out to the crime scenes, I’m interviewing law enforcement, I’m suggesting opinions in terms of investigative directions. My dream job on this side, I still consult with law enforcement today on unsolved cases, whether they’re cold cases, older cases, or current cases. But I do think continuing to do that but do it in the media space as well. In some ways, I am working my dream job when I do those TV projects.

Yeardley: [00:09:38] That’s fantastic. Your wheelhouse being kind of a fresh set of eyes with your expertise looking at these cases is a really perfect marriage. You’re so brilliant at it and you really bring an incredible perspective and so much detailed information to what you’re looking at, what the crime is, you get pictures because I’ve stalked you a lot, Paul Holes. [Paul chuckles] Stalked a lot of your podcast, conversations, your television. I’m a fan. I’m just going to say it. There, I said it. But it’s great. It makes me happy that you’re loving it as much as we enjoy watching you do it and listening to you do it.

Paul: [00:10:19] Well, thank you, Yeardley.

Yeardley: [00:10:20] Dave?

Dave: [00:10:21] Career path moving forward. [Yeardley burst out laughing] Well, currently I do work for Paperclip.

Yeardley: [00:10:30] Yes, you do.

Dave: [00:10:31] My sister-in-law is also my boss.

Yeardley: [00:10:32] I own you.


Yeardley: [00:10:35] And Zipper, you’re somehow related to Zipper now.

Dave: [00:10:38] That’s right. So, really, my main focus is just to keep up with the kitty litter box. [Yeardley burst out laughing] Zipper and Petunia. High fiber diets.

Yeardley: [00:10:49] They’re healthy.

Dave: [00:10:51] My career path has been to work for Paperclip and learn the media, television, and movie side of the business. I was in Nebraska this summer for the filming of a movie that I’m really excited about. I think people will like it. It’s called The Snack Shack with Gabe LaBelle and Conor Sherry and Mika Abdalla, David Costabile.

Yeardley: [00:11:11] They really are rising stars.

Dave: [00:11:13] Yeah. I was entertained while I was watching the filming. So, I can’t wait to see what the final product is. Also, trying to build out our audio division at Paperclip. More podcasts, better content, trying to navigate what resonates with the listeners.

Yeardley: [00:11:30] Yeah. We have The Briefing Room, which was your brainchild coming up in the New Year. We’ve previewed it a little bit on the main feed. And, of course, here on Patreon, you guys all know about it. But that’s going to be a really fantastic series. We have some terrific conversations coming up.

Dave: [00:11:46] I’m excited. It’s a format change. Small Town Dicks is all about cases. This one will be more general conversations about topics that impact law enforcement topics that impact communities, those types of things. Dream job, Jennifer Aniston’s pool boy [Yeardley laughs] or golf pro.

Yeardley: [00:12:08] Let’s go with golf pro.

Dave: [00:12:10] I’d love to be a bench coach for Major League Baseball team. The guy hanging out in the bullpen, just hanging with the dudes, but you get to travel, you get the per diem, you get to wear a uniform again. Oh, God, a bench coach for a Major League Baseball team. [exhales] Pretty good.

Yeardley: [00:12:25] Any major league baseball managers listening, [laughs] Detective Dave is ready for a new job.

Dave: [00:12:32] I’ve only been out of the game for 25 years.

Yeardley: [00:12:34] [laughs] Dan?

Dan: [00:12:37] Kind of the same for me not to the same degree that Dave is working for Paperclip. But we’ve been at this podcast thing for a few years now. And we’ve got some things that we’re working on. I can’t give away too much. But I’m very excited about those things, these projects that we’re working on with some great people.

Yeardley: [00:12:56] That include Small Town Dicks, which is great.

Dan: [00:12:58] That includes Small Town Dicks, all born out of this podcast. So, that’s been exciting for me. [cat meows] I’m trying to raise this cat.

Yeardley: [00:13:10] [laughs] She’s pretty old.

Dan: [00:13:12] She’s a bit of a pill.

Yeardley: [00:13:13] She’s 15.

Dan: [00:13:15] But she loves attention.

Yeardley: [00:13:18] She loves you.

Dan: [00:13:19] Yes. Since being out of law enforcement, one of the things that I’ve been able to do largely due to the grace of my new wife, Yeardley, [Yeardley giggles] is I’ve been involved in baseball. It really was the first love of my life. I was able to coach Minor League Baseball for a couple years. We won a championship one year. I got a big shiny ring. Dave, have you seen it?

Yeardley: [00:13:43] [laughs]

Dave: [00:13:44] [exhales and inhales heavily]

Dan: [00:13:47] Didn’t think so.

Dave: [00:13:48] Cut his mic.


Yeardley: [00:13:50] Mute, mute.

Paul: [00:13:52] Sounds like sibling rivalry here.

Dan: [00:13:53] Yeah.

Yeardley: [00:13:54] It never gets old.


Dan: [00:13:56] Recently, this past summer, I got to spend the summer with college baseball players who are playing summer ball and it’s extremely rewarding to me to be able to do those things to be on a baseball field. But I will say that my dream job, I would love to be on a PGA Tour, playing golf.

Yeardley: [00:14:14] Oh, wow.

Dan: [00:14:15] But my golf game is never going to be that good.

Yeardley: [00:14:19] [laughs]

Dave: [00:14:21] No worries.


Dan: [00:14:23] Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy, you don’t have to worry about me.

Dave: [00:14:26] Dan can’t hit a nine iron and Dan’s wedge game between 40 and 85 yards, like mine, is garbage.


Yeardley: [00:14:36] Paul and I are like, “I got nothing.”

Paul: [00:14:38] I’m thinking about my answer and I’m going, “Oh, my God, it seems so bland and vanilla compared to this” and I have to throw out there. If I were to save my fantasy job-

Yeardley: [00:14:46] Yeah.

Paul: [00:14:47] -I would be a guitarist in a Hard Rock Band.

Yeardley: [00:14:49] Wow.

Dan: [00:14:49] Nice.

Yeardley: [00:14:50] See, now we’re talking. [Paul laughs] Small Town Super Fam, what’d I tell you?

Dave: [00:14:54] I have questions. Hang on. Just let me tease this a little bit.

Yeardley: [00:14:59] Okay.

Dave: [00:14:59] Are we talking like big hair,-

Yeardley and Dave: -like 80s hair bands?

Dave: [00:15:03] And face paint? What genre of rock are we talking about?

Paul: [00:15:09] It would span from 1970s classic rock, through the hair bands, through grunge till today. And all is included.

Dave: [00:15:18] Just a journeyman guitarist who’s living the dream on the road.

Paul: [00:15:22] That’s exactly it.

Yeardley: [00:15:23] I love that.

Dan: [00:15:24] We got to get him some leather pants.


Paul: [00:15:26] Whoa.

Yeardley: [00:15:27] That’s a good Christmas gift.


Dave: [00:15:30] Yes. You, Yeardley?

Yeardley: [00:15:31] Well, I’ve had been really fortunate as an actor. I really love being an actor. I don’t get to do as much acting as I used to at the top of my career. I really love stage and the live audience. They’re so unpredictable, but there’s something I sort of– I’m not really risk averse. So, I like that kind of uncertainty, despite being really afraid of everything and just having an overabundance of courage. But if I wasn’t an actor, I would be a professional ballroom dancer.

Dan: [00:16:05] Yeah, we tried that.

Yeardley: [00:16:07] Well, you don’t want to be a professional ballroom dancer though. [laughs]

Dan: [00:16:10] Much like my aspirations of being on the PGA Tour, I’m just not good enough.

Yeardley: [00:16:16] That’s not true. He was great.

Dan: [00:16:17] She can bogey and I cannot.

Yeardley: [00:16:20] We only had six lessons. This was before the wedding. And Dan did a great job with having never taken dance lessons before, I’ve taken ballroom dancing lessons, tango lessons over the years. And I really love it. To me, that’s pure joy.

Dave: [00:16:36] I saw your first dance at the wedding and dance hips do lie. [Yeardley burst out laughing] Golf and ballroom dancing are safe from dance invasion.


Dan: [00:16:49] I do have to say, regarding Yeardley being on stage, it was like the first time that I hung out with Yeardley. I saw her on stage at the Hollywood Bowl sold out 18,000 people. Seeing her on stage is like I could feel a little tinglies [Yeardley giggles] in my belly. I got the butterflies and that’s when I began falling in love with Yeardley.

Yeardley: [00:17:13] Aw. It was three nights of The Simpsons at the Hollywood Bowl.

Dave: [00:17:17] Thanks for the invite.

Yeardley: [00:17:17] [laughs] Listen, I hardly knew Dan.

Dave: [00:17:22] I will say I got regular updates that evening.

Yeardley: [00:17:25] Oh, you did?

Dave: [00:17:26] I was like, “How’s it going?” He’s like, “This is cool. Meeting cool people. Holy shit, there’s a lot of people here.” I’m like, “All right, enjoy [Yeardley laughs] [crosstalk] call me when you get back.”

Yeardley: [00:17:37] Don’t bother me.

Dave: [00:17:38] Play like a champion [unintelligible [00:17:38].

Paul: [00:17:39] Yeah, so when is Dancing with the Stars going to happen?

Yeardley: [00:17:42] I don’t know. We’ve actually pitched the producers like, “Hey, you should have Yeardley on Dancing with the Stars. They haven’t taken us up on it. But I do feel, even though I’m 58, I would give people a run for the money. I’m really hard worker. I have good rhythm. By no means, I’m– Who’s in Dirty Dancing?

Dave and Paul: Jennifer Grey.

Yeardley: [00:18:05] I’mno Jennifer Grey, but I’m not the worst.

Paul: [00:18:09] All right, producers, get on it.

Yeardley: [00:18:11] Get on it.

Dave: [00:18:12] We need to start a petition by our Small Town Fam-

Paul: [00:18:14] Yeah.

Dave: [00:18:15] -to get on Dancing with the Stars.

Yeardley: [00:18:17] Yeah. I actually think I’m just not salacious enough that I’m not famous enough.

Dave: [00:18:22] Are you saying that we need to concoct a scandal-

Yeardley: [00:18:25] Probably.

Dave: [00:18:26] -to generate some buzz?

Yeardley: [00:18:28] [laughs] Possibly. It’s true. I don’t have controversy, I have a good reputation in town. Yes, I play this iconic part, but nobody knows who I am.

Dave: [00:18:38] And nobody sits Yeardley in a corner.

Yeardley: [00:18:40] Right.

Paul: [00:18:41] Next time you and Dan emerge from a restaurant, you should just turn around [crosstalk] just slap them.


Yeardley: [00:18:48] First, I’ll call the paparazzi and say-

Paul: [00:18:50] Yes, make sure it’s recorded.

Yeardley: [00:18:51] -“Listen, we’ll be at Spargo. Be there at 8:15. Smack.”

Dan: [00:18:56] Do I get a vote?

Paul: [00:18:57] [chuckles] No.

Yeardley: [00:18:58] No vote.

Dave: [00:18:59] Well, isn’t this how Ronald Miller broke up with his hot girlfriend in Can’t Buy Me Love? It was a huge scene.

Paul: [00:19:06] Oh, yeah, that’s right.

Dan: [00:19:08] It was.

Dave: [00:19:09] There’s a little throwback and it all started with red wine on a white leather suede dress.

Yeardley: [00:19:15] Good God. Why are you drinking red wine wearing a white leather suede dress?

Dan: [00:19:19] It was a bad move.

Dave: [00:19:21] Can’t Buy Me Love available on Beta and VHS.

Yeardley: [00:19:25] [laughs] Small Town Super Fam, come on, isn’t that worth your $5 a month? You just got such a big peek behind the curtain of Paul, Dan, Dave, and me. We think you guys are awesome. We’re so happy you’re here. Keep sending us those questions. That’s fantastic. We will see you next time.

Dave: [00:19:46] Buh-bye.

Yeardley: [00:19:46] Buh-bye.

[Small Town Dicks theme playing]

Yeardley: [00:19:55] Small Town Dicks on Patreon is produced by Gary Scott and me, Yeardley Smith, and coproduced by detectives Dan and Dave. Our associate producers are Erin Gaynor and the Real Nick Smitty. Our editors extraordinaire are Logan Heftel and Soren Begin. And Logan also composed our Patreon theme music. So, that’s fancy. And finally, our books are cooked and cats wrangled by Ben Cornwell. The team is forever grateful for your support.

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